a pretty good idea. Here it is. I think that I will abstain from sex. Maybe it’s just a ploy because I have been dry for about 7 months now and instead of making it seem like no one wants me, I will turn it around to say that I don’t want any one. In fact, I can’t wait until it’s been a year! At that point it will be the longest that I haven’t had sex since I was a virgin. And I will throw myself a party.
I’ve decided that most of the men I have slept with (and all of the ones from Los Angeles, of course) I only slept with because I wanted them to love me. This is wrong and emotionally painful. Plus, it usually wasn’t very good sex, which is arguably the real tragedy. So maybe I should just say that I abstain from sex. I won’t even put a disclaimer like “until I find the right guy” or “until he proves he’s serious” or “until I’m really fucking horny and can’t take it any longer.”
I do have to clear something up. I think sex is great. I enjoy it quite a bit. But I don’t think that I am doing it in an emotionally responsible way. So I think I won’t for awhile. Willingly. I love making out, that’s all fine and fun. I actually think I like making out more than I like having sex, to be honest. It’s such an art form. Sex can so easily turn into “fucking,” which, frankly, I very much dislike. Making out is beautiful. It’s poetic. It’s intimate and sensitive. And if it’s not, then it’s easy to stop or change. Stopping someone mid-fuck is not only potentially painful, but embarrassing. Bad kissing can be thwarted. But. I have never come across a bad kisser that I haven’t improved. I love teaching someone how to make out with me. It’s even better when the man is responsive and intelligent enough to teach me a thing or two back.
So there it is. It’ll go on my shelf of Resolutions next to not holding grudges and my newest mantra “Through trust and positive expectations, I can have the very best of life.” I feel good about myself.