So news has already reached the east coast that I have accepted the Chronicle Books internship (YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!) and I’ve been fielding calls all day about how wonderful it is, how they’re so happy for me, etc. It’s really great to hear from them and to get caught up on all the family gossip (of which there is a LOT). What was most touching was the conversation I had with my Aunt D, who has offered to put me up if/when I move to New York. She was so proud to hear that I was moving forward with a career in something that I liked. Now, unbeknownst to her and perhaps to others, I have a slight trepidation about the whole thing mostly because I’m now suddenly faced with a career. I mean, a real job. I mean, like adulthood. So, I mean, this could be it. I could be stuck doing this. I’ll never travel. I’ll never be able to stop working because I’ll be worried about losing my rung on the ladder, I’ll be a workaholic and then an old maid and then and then and then. . .
Don’t get me wrong, I am BEAMING with the idea of this opportunity. I can’t wait to start the internship and learn and I’m really excited to be involved in the publishing process. But there is a part of me that tugs away at the idea of committing to a “serious” lifestyle right now. I still have to go to Europe. I’ve had a taste of freedom this summer; honestly, most of it was boring and frustrating and even painful. But I love that I can drive off for a long weekend in Santa Cruz whenever the hell I want. I love that I’ve been able to live for free all summer and haven’t worked or worried about saving money (yeah. . . maybe I shoulda done that). It was great for me to let go of responsibility, since I’ve clung so tightly to the idea that I HAVE to be on the ball, I HAVE to know what I’m doing, I HAVE to be responsible and grown up and figure out my shit. . . this summer made me realize, you know what? I really don’t. Haha! I really don’t! I want to yell it from the rooftop that I don’t know what I’m doing or what I want or how I’m going to do it, but I’m going to charge forward in this direction with everything I have.
And after speaking with my aunt, I realized even more how ridiculous these fears of being “trapped” or “sold out” are. She told me about how being in your 20s is about exploring different options. And this is an option. I have this chance to explore who Publishing Jasmine is. And maybe Publishing Jasmine isn’t going to work, but maybe she is. And maybe San Francisco Jasmine will work out, but maybe she won’t, but then I’ve got Publishing Jasmine to help San Francisco Jasmine to turn into New York Jasmine. Or London Jasmine. Or Vagabond Burning Man Jasmine.
Or all of them. The most wonderful thing about the conversation with my aunt though was that she said that her door is always open to me. I can take the offer of her spare bedroom whenever I want, it’s always there. It makes me realize how lucky I am to be surrounded by family who support me and who cheer for me. I am so grateful.