My dad once told me a story. He was a young actor in New York and had a lot of young actor friends. One such friend was turning down auditions for commercial work because he said he was afraid that it would “hurt his career.” My dad, an eloquent man, responded with, “What career?”
I think I need to revisit this story more often.
Since moving to Seattle, I have been pursuing theatre. I don’t even know in what capacity yet. Should I be able to climb up to the status of it being a “career,” then bully for me, if not then I’m happy to do theatre as a passionate hobby. To tell the truth, I don’t know how honest that is, but that is my story and I’m sticking to it.
I have been on quite a few auditions lately and have done very well at most of them — this, in and of itself, is a triumph. I am really proud of the work I have done in the past year, even if it hasn’t necessarily bore me much fruit. I wanted to be in four productions this year and am halfway through my goal. After being passed over the last several times I’ve auditioned (and gotten to callbacks, even!), I admit that I’m starting to get all moody about it.
And it’s only fricken July! The year is barely half over! I needed a reset. Fortunately I have a brilliant vocal coach and supportive friends and husband and I’ve been able to get my head straight. But it had been eating at me for awhile. Worrying about my “failed” career. What career? Ha!
To clarify: I don’t mean that in a negative, derogatory way, but in a FREEING way. I have nothing, therefore, I have nothing to lose. This is a good thing. This concept should be paradoxically relaxing and energizing. I have everything to win.
Speaking of jobs, I have four more days working at Cheezburger and even though I am so glad that I took this job and have really enjoyed it, I am really going to be happy when it’s over.
I am looking forward to having a quiet, boring day. I am looking forward to having a quiet week. I am looking forward to having my thoughts and my time to myself.
I am currently working on an idea for a musical. This is a seriously lofty idea that may in fact turn out to be a disaster.
I’m not going to delete that last sentence, but I think that that is extremely telling of my state of mind about my art right now.
How could it be a disaster? ;) Why do I have to make every artistic endeavor a matter of complete triumph or failure? Can’t it just be?
Also, I know that I have been derelict in my monthly-writing promise. I’ve done some work on my musical, which I am not ready to share publicly, but I would still like to work on my Mia stuff. I really like her and I like my idea so I will keep pecking away at that. There. I’ve made a public promise to myself and now it’s time to keep it.